INTERVENTION: A Screenplay for our Positive Futures.

 

LIGHTS UP on a black leather chair. It swivels to reveal ALISHA. With a penetrating gaze, she addresses the camera.

 

ALISHA

                        Mike. Steve. The other contestants can baby you all they want.

                        That's not what I'm here for. That's not what either of you need.

                        You need Tough Love.

 

As ALISHA utters "Tough Love" the opening refrain of Mariah Carey's "All I Want For Christmas" pipes in. The music comes to a halting stop as the scene goes to black and white. ALISHA's chair begins spinning. Fade to black.

 

LIGHTS UP on ALISHA, still seated, rolling down a dark alleyway.

 

ALISHA

                        Your friendship may or may not survive this competition. What

                        matters is that the competition survives the competition. You both

                        have a responsibility to something greater than yourselves. Yes, to

                        the contestants--but we can pick up the pieces and move on with our

                        lives. You have a responsibility to the Future of the Internets.

 

With "Internets," we find ALISHA's detached head floating above the gentle pastels of a moon city [Refer to Robin Williams in The Adventures of Baron Von Munchausen]. In the distance, bathed in a soft glow, the earth spins. In a reverberating voice:

ALISHA

                        The world wide web needs your positive thinking and commitment

                        to Participation...

 

CUT TO montage of EXISTENTIAL MEDIA bloggers hugging strangers.

 

                        ...Passion...

 

CUT TO BODY CITY members arms, legs and torsos moving methodically.

 

                        ...Piracy...

 

CUT TO TJ NORRIS performing a Drag Pirate dance. Voice Over continues as TJ dances.

 

                        Are these words ringing any bells? They should be reminding

                        you of the action and reflection your Ultimate blogging competition

                        has spurned. It's not over. The web needs you to stop whining and

                        take your seats at the judges bench. Raise high your gavels and pass

                        judgment according to your well-cultivated ideals.

 

An anonymous HAND holding a GAVEL falls with a heavy thud and TJ grinds to a stop. The screen is torn asunder.

 

EMPTY CHAIRS creek in front of blinking COMPUTER MONITORS. The blink gives way to images of FAMOUS IDEALISTS. MLK Jr; HELEN KELLER; DEEPAK CHOPRA.

 

CUT TO ALISHA, still seated, in a white, sterile room.

 

ALISHA

                        To help you get over yourselves and return to more important

                        matters, I am offering my services as a mediator. This is an Intervention.

 

With "Intervention," ALISHA begins morphing into STEVE SCHROEDER. Now she looks like MIKE MERRILL. Now STEVE. No, MIKE again. As she continues to morph, we hear her speak.

 

ALISHA (V.O.)

                        Repeat after me. Sometimes saying the words--even if we don't mean

                        them--can radically affect our attitudes and behavior.

 

CUT to STEVE and MIKE sitting on either side of ALISHA, facing each other.

 

STEVE (to MIKE)

                        This is not about you.

 

                                                            MIKE (to STEVE)

                        This is not about me.

                       

MIKE and STEVE face the camera and slowly elevate their gaze.

 

                                                            TOGETHER

                        Something far greater is at stake.

 

                                                            MIKEE (nodding)

                        This is not about you.

 

                                                            STEVE (nodding)

                        This is not about me.

 

Lowering their gaze until they are staring directly into the camera.

 

                                                            TOGETHER

                        Self-obsessed whiners do not the internets make.

 

CUT TO MIKE in an overflowing bath tub. He is holding a beer bottle and several others float beside him.

 

                                                            MIKE

                        A captain never abandons ship

                        Even when that ship is sunk.

                        I, Mike Merill, am pathetic,

                        No one likes me when I'm drunk.

 

CUT TO STEVE. He is half dressed on an unmade bed. As he speaks he rolls over and hangs his head off the mattress.

                                                            STEVE

                        Did the contestants fail to post

                        When we had our fray?

                        I, Steve Schroeder, like a sorry little baby-ass loser,
                        walked away and gave web reality
                        shows everywhere a bad name,

                        but I'm coming back to stay.

 

CUT TO montage of MIKE and STEVE "suiting up." They pull on socks, adjust their ties, etc. The general impression is they are "getting their act together." Suddenly, we find them back in the white sterile room, standing perfectly still. ALISHA is nowhere to be seen.

 

 

                                                            MIKE and STEVE

                        Sure we can work it out

                        But that's beside the point.

                        The internets await us now;

                        There are bloggers to anoint.

 

CUT TO ALISHA, with a pleased smile on her face. Her detached head hovers at eye level with MIKE and STEVE.

                                                            ALISHA

                        The intervention is almost complete. I leave you with one more

                        assignment. I can not hold your hands and walk you through

                        this one. Go now. You know what you must do.

 

FADE TO BLACK.

 

 

THE END