Toby is the worst

Look how crazy we are

Some­times I am a crit­i­cal bas­tard. It’s lit­tle things like I am very crit­i­cal of peo­ples’ docks or their desk­tops or any sort of com­puter orga­ni­za­tion. There are three inten­si­ties of my crit­i­cal­ity. There is the most severe. I hate clut­tered desk­tops. I can’t stand it. It stresses me out. It’s dis­or­ga­nized and unpro­duc­tive. So that’s a Three. A Two would prob­a­bly be hot cor­ners. Hot cor­ners I can under­stand, but I will never use them. Ever. I can some­what under­stand how peo­ple can deal with them, but ugh. A One is more of a nonessen­tial. A One is look­ing at peo­ples’ docks. I feel very smug when I see docks that are the default size and have all the orig­i­nal appli­ca­tions. Some­how it makes me feel cool for putting my cool appli­ca­tions in my dock.

That’s my scale. Three is com­pletely unac­cept­able. One is nonessen­tial. (Most Ones are things I have done in the past.)

Three
A clut­tered desk­top
Blow­ing your nose in a restau­rant
List­ing all the bands you lis­ten to

Two
Hot cor­ners
Dock Hid­ing
Two spaces after a period
Not using smart quotes
Com­mer­cials on The Office webisodes
Teeth whitening

One
An unmod­i­fied dock
Blog­ger
Win­dows
Arial
Hot­mail
Gar­den State
Bob Mar­ley
Mis­pro­nounc­ing ‘preface’

(Also, I don’t really like Face­book. I just wanted to put that out there. I couldn’t decide how to clas­sify that. What num­ber would a nec­es­sary evil be?)

What brought this up had to do with work­ing out the tem­plates for EM. I don’t like the space between the nav­i­ga­tion and the first line of text. I worked so long try­ing to fig­ure out what was mak­ing it do that. It’s too much. But then I started look­ing around at other sites and they all have it too! So I imme­di­ately think they aren’t smart enough to fig­ure it out either. CAN IT BE HELPED?!

10 Responses to “Toby is the worst”


  • I hate clut­tered desk­tops too! When mine begins to look like it’s get­ting too clut­tered, I get this weird stressed feel­ing. Like I am a mess or something.

    I’m guilty of hot cor­ners though — but fuck dock hid­ing! So annoying…actually that would prob­a­bly be sec­tioned under my Three list!

  • That’s why I put hot cor­ners as a two. I know plenty of peo­ple who use them, and I’m happy they can work with the, but as for myself I’m not use to it and I always acci­dently use them at the wrong times.

  • Hot Cor­ners and dock hid­ing are an essen­tial part of my life. tell me more about what you mean about this space… i can prob­a­bly help. you can do any­thing with CSS.

  • Man, I think I would score a one, two, and three, at least one time each. But those office ads do SUCK. They’re so much louder, just like on TV.

  • “Toby is in HR, which tech­ni­cally means he works for cor­po­rate, so he’s really not a part of our fam­ily. Also, he’s divorced, so he’s really not a part of his family.”

    “Michael Scott: Look, this is very hard for me but I am going to give you my best man. You may have Toby.
    Karen: Toby’s not a sales­per­son.
    Michael Scott: You can train him! He’s very, very smart and funny and charm­ing… Lehhargh! You know, I can’t do it. Toby is the worst. That– that was a bluff.”

  • “Hot Cor­ners and dock hid­ing are an essen­tial part of my life.”

    I can really under­stand how it could be. It would make it so easy. Some­how I can never get to the dock when I need it. Or when I’m try­ing to change mea­sure­ments in quark, the dock pops up.

  • “Man, I think I would score a one, two, and three, at least one time each.”

    What do you mean?

  • I also LOVES the hot cor­ners (and the dock hid­ing. ok and also bob marley..c’mon redemp­tion song? so good). It’s actu­ally really funny cause every time some­one other than me uses my com­puter they inevitably set off one of the hot cor­ners and get all grumbly and con­fused. I think that might be my favorite part about it.

    Also I thought that pic­ture was of you and L eat­ing lit­tle hot dogs. so awesome.

  • My tongue does look obscenely sim­i­lar to a hot dog.

  • when you say dock hid­ing do you mean mak­ing it hide on the desk­top until you put your mouse on the edge or not hid­ing it at all? because most pro­grams i work with require dock hid­ing so that i can max­i­mize my “see space” on the screen. ratatat.

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