Lessons in Survival

Pack­ing makes me think about all the places I have lived. About my mother in 1992. Pack­ing up our house alone, tucked in those cob­ble­stone streets. Three small chil­dren need­ing, my father fin­ish­ing his dis­ser­ta­tion; her hands puffed up–turned black and blue.

Sit­ting in my room before col­lege, Molly gave me a blan­ket like the one I loved to sleep with at her house. I’ve never used it. I’m get­ting bet­ter at not deem­ing the sacred unus­able. But, it’s a problem.

M and I went through all our boxes that were put on hold–the archives. They are mostly books and things that remind us that we used to make art. We mar­ried it all, even our port­fo­lios. I found all my Joni Albums. They never made it onto my com­puter. We lis­ten to them all.

It made me think of LMU, the song book they gave me, a mon­u­ment to our time together–or tak­ing show­ers our first semes­ter in Azusa Gar­dens. Play­ing Song to a Seag­ull and get­ting dressed in that mas­sive closet. All the morn­ings Vicki and I would get up and go to the APU “gym.” Alisha already on the tread­mill somehow.

I do belive in door­ways. There are sea­sons, phases of the moon, plan­ets. We are pro­vided with door­ways and rooms to enter. There are many things that are left undone.

Or. Per­haps it is not that things are undone, but rather, there are times we must except that space has Given You It’s Best–

Do you dare to ask for more?

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