Because I wished you were with me
I was lying in bed trying to think of a way to sleep through the day and then I had to go pee. I opened the door and my father whirled around in his spinning desk stool. He was watching his interview on His Channel. I watched it with him for a while, I wanted to support him in ways that neither of us will every be able to articulate. It has something to do with time and space I think, with collecting. And then I went down stairs to make some carrot-beat-arugula juice. My mom had just roasted some tomatoes, so many perfectly closed shapes of collapsing yellow. My mom started talking to me about God’s love.
They went to my little brothers flag football game.
I went to Henry’s Marketplace and put on expensive facial moisturizers and bought five pink lady apples, one granny smith, one d’anjou pear, and a pink grapefruit. When I got home, I went to put them upstairs, I am not sure why, and opened the closet to put them in a drawer my sister left empty for me to use. My wedding dress was just hanging there, touching the edge of the particleboard ever so slightly.
I thought about last night, waiting for my mom to come home so that I did not have to open the package alone. I thought that maybe when I put it on I could make her happy. That it wouldn’t matter that I am not who she wishes I were. It didn’t. It “looked like it just came out of a box.” I need to change it a bit. Then it will be perfect. I wished that I were wearing makeup, for once, as to protect myself from something. Maybe this is what makeup is for. I thought about trying some on when I was in Henry’s.
This much is obvious. There is something that we need to feel together. Shit, you guys.
My New Commute from lady parts on Vimeo.
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Having to go pee feels like the only reason to get up lately. We needed college more than it needed us. THE PACE. You so eloquently perfectly described this feeling.
Comment by Matthew — February 2, 2008 #
how perfect would it feel if the ones we wish to be approved by would just say the right things at the right time.
(as always, I highly appreciate your words)
Comment by johanna — February 4, 2008 #
When I wear makeup, I feel like I’m lying.
Comment by alexa — February 4, 2008 #
There’s so much change in the air.
Comment by Mike O. — February 5, 2008 #