Racism (Live from Azusa Pacific University)
It happened November 1; I wanted to write about it then. But every time I sit down to close in on the words, I feel my limbs growing heavy and my mouth becoming numb. It all comes down to telling our side of the story, I guess, even if it is not our story to tell. I hate learning this the hard way, choosing words for situations that are far too vast and significant for shapes and prescriptions. It’s part of the reason I left global studies for art.
A number of bizarre events have occurred during my New Genre Art Forms class this semester. They possess a kind of sterility and gore similar to viewing the discolored and textured surfaces of a cadaver. There is no way to process all of the smells of the marinated-in-formaldehyde flesh, the feeling in your ears and eyes from the hum of the florescent light, or the strange impulse in your bones to assault your companions. My responses, thus far, fall into two categories: diatribes over-seasoned with profanity in attempt to avoid physical violence, or immobilizing fatigue—like chewing the entirety of a pack of eclipse gum just to taste something, but instead your tongue has become numb from the chemical flavor.
This is so hard to write because of the complexity, I still have absolutely NO IDEA how to process its dimensions. There are seemingly endless factors that I feel unable to wrap my mind around. I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS HAPPENED, let alone that I saw it. I am simultaneously overwhelmed with admiration—and hate.
With no further ado, I will recount some of the details.
As I said, this was the second night of the last performance pieces. There was about seven of us left to go (half of the class). The assignment was to perform a personal response to one of the following topics: global warming and the environment, American Idol, the war in Iraq, the obesity epidemic, OJ Simpson, reality T.V., stem cell research, Brittany Spears, Apple vs. Microsoft, the presidential election, opera, Rachel Ray, immigration, or Jena 6. Could be interesting, right? It was epic. This night made me feel some sort of purpose in being at APU.
My friend responded to Jena 6. She is the only African-American in the Art Department at my school. My school is 95 percent white.
Her tiny frame shaking, she walked out to the middle of the courtyard on the main part of the West Campus, surrounded by her classmates and a cluster of friends. Her face bore the iconic, racist American archetype—blackface—and she began to dance the choreography to Soulja Boy’s Crank Dat Soulja Boy on top of a wooden square.
I felt nauseous. Jenna, Matthew, and I had learned this dance one night and now it was here used as a representation for racist spectacle. Fuck dude. It was so intense. No one does anything that is actually trying to communicate an issue and push us to change in this class. I am still completely overwhelmed with admiration for her.
Later I found out that no one got it. NO ONE GOT IT. My professor told her not to do it because he didn’t get it. He didn’t know what blackface was! How is he a professor! An artist! A human being! WTF!
I corresponded a great deal with her about my feelings on the piece and it’s historical significance and necessity for the students at our school. We talked a lot. This is the most obvious and terrifying example of racism at this school, “Oh, I’m sorry, you need to cater to the white man’s needs, small insignificant minority.” We didn’t even talk about the pieces until last night! And another friend from my class had to bring it up and ask for a discussion! He was totally put out and blatantly avoiding the critique.
As you can guess, I said what I needed to say. And of course my professor turned red and did not address the real issue at all. He was vague and did not even attempt to address the racism at our school, which was the point of her doing the piece. Jesus! I mean how is this even possible? How can you not be excited about students really making art and trying to push their communities to see something that they obviously do not?
After class we were clustered in a group talking about our next project for class and the professor came up all red faced and wide eyed, “I hope you know I’m not picking on you.” What?!?!? How does that apply to the situation at all. What part of you feeling attacked by students calling you out could be classified as picking on the students? I do not understand this sentence at all. Showing a lack of response and/or ability to dialogue is not at all related to picking on someone. This was merely an attempt to belittle us and make it seem like we were a part of his discussion. This makes me very sad that he has no idea how to deal with these kind of issues or confrontations.
I can’t write about this anymore right now. There is too much that has transpired over the past two weeks. Maybe I will come back to it. Or if you have any questions, that may be an easier way to deal with it.
There is just too much to go into—blatant racism and sexism at a small Christian university—that is some deep shit dudes.
10 Comments »
RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URI
I think it is important to point out that she did that dance like that because of what happens at our school. OFTEN African American students get approached and asked to dance. It might be in a Christian bullshit way, but it is still very offensive. The reason her friends were there was because she was doing it for them, because they were hurt.
Comment by Matthew — November 13, 2007 #
Thank you for remembering that.
She told me that even though my professor said not to do it, that she had to because it was not about her. It was her way of dealing with all of the stories she had heard from her friends about being asked if they would do the dance. As if being African-American means that you know both the Soulja Boy song and dance.
These friends saw the respose from my class.
Comment by Laura — November 13, 2007 #
I can’t believe it. The way APU parades its minorities, and then we can’t handle … like you said … shit, there aren’t even words. Remember that day in Christian Mission when we got all heated and asked Hertig why we don’t talk about anything of substance, why we always dance around the questions… its like that, always. I can’t even be bitter about APU anymore, it sort of just terrifies me.
Comment by Alisha — November 13, 2007 #
I can’t be bitter about it anymore either. These events are incomprehensible. That’s what the critique was like, the students begging for the professor to address the issue.
Does this happen elsewhere? I really need to know.
Comment by Laura — November 13, 2007 #
I can’t decide whether I hope it happens elsewhere or not. If it does, then maybe someone can help us deal with it or have some sort of answer or something. But it could be really awful to realize it is like this everywhere.
Comment by Matthew — November 13, 2007 #
I agree with Alisha, APU does parade its minorities. I’m an active member of the Pacific Islanders Org. and oftentimes the school only recognizes us when they need hula dancers for an event (like the Food Services “luau”). Some woman who works on campus came to one of our meetings and was supposed to talk to us about the difficulties minority students (specifically students from Hawaii) encounter here. Instead, she spent an hour trying to establish connections with students in our group because Mens’ Chorale will be visiting there in May. I left that meeting feeling used.
Kieran Gaya might be a good person to talk to about this.
Comment by alexa — November 14, 2007 #
Man, I had no idea it was that bad, for a prof to not know about blackface. APU could be such an amazing place for change where white people come and are transformed by the truth of the pain that is suffered everywhere. But I think it will always feel forced and anyone who is not white will always feel used until the ratio is changed. What has always enraged me about the institution is how its demographics do not even come close to the demographics of the rest of the state’s colleges and universities. APU is only slightly more ‘diverse’ than the rest of.… all the other Christian universities out there, which makes it enormously ineffective in being able to provide much in the way of standpoints from within its student body (and faculty).
And the funny thing is, I don’t even know what it is that brought me and anyone else to a place of some understanding, or at least a desire to learn, and not everyone else to that place. Why me and why us and how much responsibility do we have to speak up because I think there is a lot of responsibility. How do we welcome or initiate that beginning place in people? Because it starts from little or big events like this performance. I think performances like this serve to enrage us as well as to be a stream of water that squirts into a person’s eyes to clear up some of their warped thoughts. I just talked to a couple of good friends the other day for whom blackface was unknown, both of whom are over the age of twenty. it is VERY surprising.
ok, so thank God for the space to even talk about these issues, but then, then… it is so difficult in a place where your professors who are supposed to be well versed in such things, since it’s a university for godssakes, do not have a clue! And they often do not want to have a clue because it is their very demographic that is threatened to the core by the truths! It’s hard to believe, but I think it has come down to the students, perhaps backed by the insight of other, more well-versed professors, to challenge the professors to know a little something about oppression.
For all the painting classes and the design, you’d think they would know more about the politics and truth of color.
Comment by ariel — November 20, 2007 #
I was talking with a friend who also graduated from APU and now goes to Claremont Graduate University a little bit ago. One of the main differences between Christian & mainstream schools we discussed was how things like sexism, racism, & prejudice in general are just NOT OK in mainstream universities. There’s no, “Well, the Bible is ambiguous” or any “God’s got it” shit. Not that they don’t have their own problems, but still. Wouldn’t it be nice to be instructed by people for whom tolerance is GIVEN as a virtue?
Comment by Victoria Bolf — November 20, 2007 #
even in my sweet sweet christian and educated siblings I find a bitter prejudice. my friends in LA are all tainted because they are ok with some of my “choices”. I am so surprised by the lack of critical and historical analysis in my older siblings. I wish they would not let the Bible and theology be placed outside of the problems of historicity and sexual prejudice. but I love them and want to show them i do, somehow. I feel that this is a great way of shaping my relationship with a lot of folks at APU.
Comment by johanna — November 23, 2007 #
Hi,everyone. I am not at APU anymore but I still care a lot about what happens there to my friends both the ones who are students and are on faculty. If any of you wish to share more about this other concerns regarding diversity — please feel free to contact me.
Comment by Kieran Gaya — September 16, 2008 #