Close the Loop
I thought about it most when I was scrubbing body oils off the walls of my apartment. I found that circular motions are most effective, they leave the least amount of dirt behind.
I walked through my empty apartment with my land lady today. The impossibility of anyone who did not witness the past week understanding what they saw felt
:::clean:::
As much as I want everyone to know what has happened, I don’t at all. There is something very sacred about closing a loop, a circle, completion. You cannot give it away, it must be earned.
I think we should think about this more often.
One of the most important things that I continue to learn is to do my best, work the hardest I can so that other people do not have to. If we all did that we would love more. We would be more.
I could have worked half as hard, we could have left the apartment half as clean, we could have complained at the state of it and demanded justice.
But what kept me going was the knowledge that if I didn’t do it (any cleaning task set before me) someone else whom I love, Peter or Theresa (the angels of Azusa Gardens), would have to do it later. I love them too much, they work too hard to be repaid with such disrespect.
I feel very grateful for getting to close the loop. And even more grateful to the saints who helped scrub off roach shit, sweep up carcasses, and sort through the car loads of things that people left behind.
Throughout the past week the proprioception was pretty fierce. My body held more of my stress then my brain was able to process. I think that’s why I am able to forget it all so easily now. My new apartment is…unfathomably zen and kind. My body is very happy and ready to ride bikes and sit on floor pillows in the early overcast morning air, thanking the cats for sitting in the yellow chair out front. It has only been one day, which seems terribly inaccurate. Thank you body, you make it easy to not say things I would regret.
Here are some photos from the final day. I did not take any in the thick of it.
(Oh, and those are egg cases not carcasses.)
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Apt. 124 RIP
A Tribute, by Julie.…
Comment by Existential Media — August 2, 2007 #
There is a magical feeling at the new apartment, it may be that way because it is “new”, undefiled by bodies (human and not), but I think it also has to do with the mindset going in. So, here’s to new things and places. The summer of/before change.
Comment by Matthew — August 2, 2007 #
You’ve been through the fire. Now take your socks and dive into the cool lake that is August and Portland.
Comment by Alisha — August 3, 2007 #
You girls–wrapped in myself that summer of 2007, I don’t think I ever thanked you (enough) for doing what you did. So, now a bit late, thank you.
Comment by vicki — November 1, 2009 #