Battle Wounds
I know that it is a terrible thing to feel good, really good, and to be told that there may be something wrong with your body. This was the kind of good that makes mind-blowing art shows and writes stories and wears uni-tards. The good that feels inspired and radiant, fascinated and alive.
I know that you cannot sustain that kind of ecstasy when you are the kind of animal who sees their soul through their body. I wish I had an answer for you. You have been so insulted.
I think it might feel like losing custody of your children. I know that neither of us have experienced this. But we both know that the person who is taking your children may want to take care of them, but that person does not love them. It is sort of impossible, even if they want to.
Or like Leah’s parents in The Spirit Catches You and You Fall Down, you are in a foreign country and you can’t read the labels on the medicine (not to mention understand what it is or if it’s legit), but the state takes your baby away and you’re not even allowed to see her. Is it your fault? Are you a bad person for thinking seizures are divine? This is such a real question. Especially when they are the ones who eventually turn her into a fucking vegetable. And you love her so much you bath her little body and sew her colorful clothes and strap her grown self to your back as you tend the fields.
I am not sure what we are talking about anymore; I was getting worked-up.
But I do know that you do feel deeply sorry
and fucking pissed.
It’s okay Travis, it’s not your fault.
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As if I didn’t comment on every post… Everything can get so weird. It is not necessarily a self-centered life we live, but sometimes the “outside” can totally ruin our shit.
Comment by Matthew — May 16, 2007 #
I didn’t know what to say for such a long time probably because I thought about your words in my car while I was driving back from the airport by myself but…I guess…I’m just really glad you said these words. I feel like they describe me in a totally different way, but the description is how I feel…constantly. And my body is aware of every second it is not fulfilled, which is always. We need to stretch ourselves into shapes that don’t match and make the lakes in Minnesota look like pompous cowards.
Thank you.
Comment by Jordan — May 19, 2007 #
I can feel the shapes pressing themselves against my bones. Thank you for resting beside me for a while. It’s really nice.
Comment by Laura — May 19, 2007 #